What Do You Want?

Readings: Mark 10:46-52, Secrets of Heaven 4063:2-3 (see below)
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We talk alot about spiritual growth in our tradition, about the spiritual work we do to regenerate ourselves, which involves looking at ourselves with honesty and courage. We are called to note all the ways in which we might act from selfishness, when we are tempted to put what *we* want above all other things. Our selfish desires can lead us astray, away from connection, community, and the common good. And so, it is important to be able to view our desires with clarity and healthy distance, so that they don’t control us. 

But that doesn’t mean that our desires—what we want—should always be viewed with suspicion. In our text for today, Bartimaeus desired something very strongly. He wanted to speak to Jesus so very much that he raised a ruckus. As he approached, Jesus asked him a question. “What do you want me to do for you?” Clearly, Jesus would have been able to see that Bartimaeus was blind. He needn’t have asked and he could have healed him without a word. But it seemed important for Jesus to know something of the man’s desire, to know what was driving him. He asked him, what do you want? Bartimaeus said “I want to see.” 

Now, contrast this with the previous episode, one we didn’t hear in our reading today but was the lectionary reading last week: a request to Jesus from the disciples James and John. These were brothers who came to Jesus and said “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask.” Such an arrogant demand, it seems hardly believable. Jesus, with admirable restraint, simply asks them, the same as he will soon ask Bartimaeus, “What do you want me to do for you?” He knew these boys; he loved and chose them, and we imagine he knew much of their misguided enthusiasm and their stubborn misunderstanding. So, in an attempt to guide them, he tries to zero in on their desire, which they willingly laid bare. “Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.”  One wouldn’t be surprised if they followed up that request with a “Bro” or a fist bump. The gospel doesn’t capture Jesus’ exasperated sigh. But he would have been entitled to at least one, after a solid four biblical pages of teaching them about the relinquishment of power, the necessity of sacrifice, the value and belovedness of the least among them. They still didn’t get it. But Bartimaeus did. He didn’t want power, he didn’t want glory, he just wanted to see, and casting aside his cloak, his only possession, he used that sight to follow Jesus on the way.

Jesus knew that what we want matters. He ultimately tells Bartimaeus that his faith healed him, but Jesus understood that faith is empty, impossible in fact, without desire. It was one of Swedenborg’s main criticisms of the Christianity of his time; that faith had become nothing but saying the right words, a confession of the right precepts, utterly empty without the desire to serve and grow, and utterly perverse filled *with* the desire for the self and for power. James and John *said* they had faith in Jesus but they were still driven by a desire for glory and eminence. And that wasn't the kind of faith that Jesus was working to inspire in them. Bartimaeus’ request for sight was a personal and perhaps selfish one. But what did he do with sight once he had it? Even when given the freedom to “go” he follows Jesus instead. What we desire affects *how* we see and ultimately *what* we do.

Swedenborg writes in his book Divine Providence: our whole spirit is desire and its consequent thought, and our thinking flows from the desires of our love.(1) Spiritual, heavenly desires, driven by a love for what is true and what is good, these are what animate our life and open us up to inflow from God. God cannot flow into anything else. So, it is not surprising that Jesus would ask Bartimaeus about something so important. He didn’t want to impose something, even a healing, upon him without knowing that it resonated with Bartimaeus’ deepest self. God’s action with us is always in partnership, always with the utmost respect for our autonomy and our freedom. We are made in an image and likeness of God, and our very wanting of more, more insight, more love and more resonant action our part, is that which brings us more fully into that image and likeness. Our desires remake us, our desires regenerate us.

But, there is of course a reason that desire is often thought of in negative terms and that’s because desire can indeed be destructive, unthinking, and consuming. The craving for power in James and John was preventing them from absorbing Jesus’ clear message to them. Without interrogating that desire within themselves they weren’t going to be able to follow Jesus where he was going, to the cross and to the resurrection.

And yet, as mixed-up as they were, they *were* following him. None of us can have perfect heavenly desire. We are all works in progress, we are all bundles of mixed motivations.  And this is entirely appropriate for angels-in-training. In our Swedenborg reading for today, we are introduced to the idea of intermediate good. These are desires, motivations, and goals that are not *entirely* heavenly but can lead us on the way, that can power our process. The message of Israel’s redemption, for example, and the message of the existence of a kingdom of God attracted James and John. Even if they muddled it up with their personal ideas of glory, they were still there listening to Jesus, and there was a chance for them to evolve.

We can think of examples from the personal and social realm: we might have a desire to take care of those who we love. This is absolutely a good thing; it builds us in the practice of service and hard work, and it builds in us the practice of emotional connection. But, it only serves as an intermediate good if we stop there, if we choose *only* to take care of those we love and not anyone else. The love of taking care of those around us is a stepping stone to the love of taking care of all people. We learn the value and beauty of humanity by seeing it first in the eyes of our loved ones from our tender ages; the trick is then to transfer that value and beauty to people that we don’t know and love personally. This is the more heavenly desire; to wish for, and work for, the dignity, safety, and thriving of all people, not just our own people.

This is why our wanting is important to God. All desire communicates something. Some desires tell us about what we hope for, about ways to connect and serve, and God will infill and grow these heavenly desires for us. Some desires tell us about our fears and our doubts, and God holds those gently, attempting to draw us away from fear and into the knowledge that greater love will always prevail. We remember: what we ultimately love will affect how we see and what we see. The desire for clarity and sight led Bartimaeus to see Jesus as someone he should urgently follow. Conversely, the desire for power led James and John to see Jesus as someone who could and would grant them a preeminent position. For us right now, the fear about whether there is enough to go around, the desire for self-preservation, might lead us to see immigrants at the border as dangerous rather than desperate people fleeing political persecution and poverty. Our desire to be greater than others might lead us to see nationalism and white supremacy as mere patriotism. In our relationships, our fear of conflict might convince us it is better to dissemble and avoid, our fear of rejection might lead us to see vulnerability and authenticity as humiliating. When we find ourselves trapped inside fearful desires, God will ask us: what do we want? What do we want ultimately? Do we want true clarity, courage, honesty, compassion, connection, love, meaning, or peace? Then God *will* lead us there. But it will take time, and it will take our willingness to see our desires for what they really are. To see the selfish, fearful desires and be willing to let them go, to see the mixed up intermediate desires and be willing to let them evolve.

Bartimaeus is often lifted up as ideal vision of discipleship, specifically in contrast to James and John. But our teaching from Swedenborg, while underscoring the importance of heavenly desire, also gives us hope for these brothers. We know that their story didn’t end there.  They were learning and growing, not just through teaching but through hardship as well. God brought them through intermediate states into a higher heavenly state, one that truly understood the nature of the kingdom of God, eventually.  And so there is hope for all of us. We are all Bartimaeus and we are all James and John, still on the journey.
Amen.

(1) Divine Providence 61.

Readings:

Mark 10:46-52

46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 48 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” 49 Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” 50 Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. 51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” 52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Secrets of Heaven 4063:2-3
…When someone is being regenerated the Lord maintains them in an intermediate kind of good, a good which serves to introduce genuine goods and truths. But once those goods and truths have been introduced, that intermediate good is separated from them. Anyone who knows anything at all about regeneration and about the new self can appreciate that the new self is entirely different from the old, for the new self has an affection for spiritual and celestial matters since these constitute their feelings of delight and blessedness, whereas the old self's affections are for worldly and earthly things…The new self's ends in view therefore lie in heaven, whereas the old self's lie in the world…

[3] So that a person may be led from the state of the old self into that of the new, worldly passions have to be cast aside and heavenly affections assumed. This is effected by countless means known to the Lord alone…When therefore a person is converted from an old self into a new one, that is, when they are regenerated, it does not take place in an instant as some people believe, but over many years. Indeed the process is taking place throughout the person's whole life right to its end…Since therefore their state of life has to be changed so drastically they are inevitably maintained for a long time in an intermediate kind of good which partakes both of worldly affections and of heavenly ones. And unless they are maintained in that intermediate good they in no way allow heavenly goods and truths into themselves.